


The Queer Whisperer

by Freckles_and_glasses



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, I dont wanna tag all of them, Idk if you would count some of this as cheating, LGBTQ Characters, M/M, Multi, Other marauder era people, Sirius is a bit of a s7ut, Sirius is like a confession booth in a church but with his lips, Sirius makes out with like everybody before dating Remus, Wolfstar are the main main maaaaaaain ship, in a good way
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-19
Updated: 2017-10-03
Packaged: 2018-12-05 19:18:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11584485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Freckles_and_glasses/pseuds/Freckles_and_glasses
Summary: Sirius is queer and likes kissing everybody. Especically Remus Lupin.





	1. Chapter 1

"I'm gay!" 

 

"I'm actually a boy!" 

 

"I'm not gay!" 

 

"I'm demi-homoromantic and graysexual and like wearing binders sometimes!" 

"Whoa.."

"What?...We made out for quite a while..."

 

Sirius Black had many names ("no seriously friends, I'm not an expert - you don't have to listen to me. Please do whatever and whoever you feel like."). 

 

Queer Whisperer was just one. 


	2. Not you

"..."

"No, I said."

"But-" 

"I don't care if you end up dying alone because of me. I am not kissing you." 

"But Sirius-" 

"Regulus Arcturus Black. That is incest and we are not those kind of people." 

"Right, right." 

"Of course I am." 

"Sorry, that was pretty weird." 

"Yes. It really was."


	3. Saved

Remus walked down the hall back to his class. 

Sirius looked up from the water fountain and stared, "I'm saving you for last."

 

 

 

 

 

"I heard that you weirdo."


	4. hydration

1\. lip balm 

2\. lip gloss

3\. lip smackers

 

"You don't want anything else from your mum for christmas?" Pete asked laying back on the bench of the table.

James and Remus were grabbing lunch. 

Sirius hunched over his tiny list and scribbled. "Yuh-huh."

"Really?" 

"Yeah. For making out with everyone. Hydration is important. And I already got water." Sirius shrugged with one shoulder, "And besides, if she'll actually give me anything itll be money so I can buy my shit with that anyway." 

James came to the table and Remus went up behind Sirius and stuck a straw in his hair without him noticing.


	5. vows

"I vow not to make out with you ever because you're my best friend and I really really value our best friendship." James said.

"Yeah, sure." replied Sirius.


	6. Meeting Peter

"And this is Peter, Sirius." James introduced  

"Hey mate." Peter smiled friendly. 

"Wanna make out?" 

"Yeah!" 

James watched in horror as his two best friends eagerly attached. 

"We haven't even told you about his "powers" yet!" 

"He doesn't need to know.."

"I'm awfully desperate James, you know that!" 


	7. James Meets Lily

"Yeah, no, totally, my girl's real nice and cute and well-mannered and tots on about that animaltarian shit." Sirius turns around to James and smiles. 

"She sounds...great..." 

"Yeah, her name's - Lily!" 

James turns to watch an orange-haired girl with freckles and a pair of sunglasses tucked behind her ears and atop her head. 

"Hey Siri." 

"Lils, babe, this is my boy, James." 

"Hey James." 

"I love you." James blurts. 

Sirius slowly turns to James, expression frozen, "Jaaames..."

Lily looks from James to Sirius and then back and back again. 

"I-I didn't mean _I love you_..." James stops with his mouth hung open, "...N-Not that I couldn't love you, because y-you're totally loveable but..."

"James." 

"But..."

"James." 

"...Sirius."

"James."

"S-Sorry."


	8. No Mono

"You haven' 'ot any illnesses, aye?" asked a cautious Hufflepuff girl. She was the same year as Sirius. 

"Illnesses?" Sirius repeated sassily. "Honey do I look like that poor barmy bloke?" 

 

They both turn to see a feverish and red-nosed slytherin boy a year younger than them. He has an ice bag on his head. His hands hold a steaming mug of tea. ("Too ashamed to tell Promfey he's got mono, he is." Sirius heard.)

 

"Aye! Symptoms don't always present themselves, especially immediately," a ravenclaw friend said passing by. Leaving Sirius a kiss on the check on her way. 

 

"I've got nothing." Sirius reassured with a smile. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oops forgot this wasnt magical XD 
> 
> this was cute tho


	9. booked

"Sirius can I - " 

 

Sirius interrupts his practically attached-at-the-hip brother-from-another-family James. 

 

"Sorry I'm all booked for today - Can't be bothered." 

 

"Booked for what? I just wanted to ask - "

 

"These lips are booked for the day. They cant be bothered for _talking_!"

 

"God. I don't wanna kiss, I just want you to show me where - "

 

"Mmm m mmmmm." Sirius said without opening his mouth. 


	10. Appointments

"The whole week?" Sirius looked at Peter twice.

 

"Right." 

 

"Blimey." he says. "We sh-" 

 

"No. We are not charging." Peter stared hard, "You made me make you promise, remember? This is your good cause??" 

 

"Hmph."


	11. Monday

"A few Calculus club girls after breakfast," Peter listed, "Then a Science guy and Science nb before lunch. And a football player after lunch. Then a few of the Peace and Love club girls and guys before dinner. And then a another football player after dinner." 

"After dinner?" Sirius asked. "They'd better be bloody Lily or somethin' because you know I like napping and _not - of course not, far from_ \- doing my homework after dinner."

Peter smiled, "McKinnon." 

"Ah bless her." 

"Just her?" 

"And Remus of course." 

"What?" 

"And James and Lily." 

"Sirius." 

"Of course me too."

"I've planned out your whole week of bloody snogging!" 

"You?" Sirius thought for a second. "Oh yeah. You're up there too." 

"-.-" 

"c:"


End file.
